10 +1 LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT AS A MOTHER. (Concluding part)

LESSON 6

MY MOTHER WAS NOT A MEAN MOTHER AFTER ALL

I grew up believing my mother was mean. As far as I was concerned, she was just out to make life miserable for me. Nothing she did or said ever seemed to be what I wanted to hear. I saw her as ‘kill joy’. At some point I was deluded that she wasn’t my real mother. I would daydream about a mother who would come from a far place to rescue me from this woman who made me do too many chores. I was sure no loving mother would insist that her teenage daughter must learn to cook, not allow the child to attend all the parties he/she was invited to, not give child EVERYTHING he/she wanted. My mother was very selective about the company I kept, she was a woman who used her hands, mouth and everything God gave her to mold me. Oh no!! I didn’t think such a woman could be a mother to a girl like me who desired to be free to do as I pleased. I day dreamt for so long that I started hating my imaginary real mother for abandoning me to such meanness.

But now as a mother, wife and more, I appreciate all the tutoring because it is “all things working together for my good”.

My children marvel at how I know how to do so many things and I smile as I remember my ‘mean mother’. My mother of blessed memory was not mean after all. I’m therefore consoled that my children will someday bless God for my ‘meaness’. Please, take time out today to appreciate your mother. God bless mothers.

 

LESSON 7

OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE AN INPUT IN YOUR CHILDREN’S UPBRINGING

As a mother, I have brought my children up to understand that other people can correct them. A lot of mothers miss it by bringing up their children to respect and honour them only (biological parents). It’s so bad in some homes that there is even a conflict between parents as it is obvious to the children which parent has more sway.

My children understand the importance of everyone owns the child.

I remember in my growing up days, I had an elderly woman living in our neighborhood, I will call her ‘Mummy O’. She made disciplining every child her business. Since she was not doing a 9 to 5 job, ‘Mummy O’ had a lot of time on her hands.

She acted as a check on our foolish excesses as youths, ready to reprimand without recourse to our parents. But I observed that with mothers who created pictures that their children were theirs only to correct, ‘Mummy O’ would let such be.

For children who came from my mother, there was no end to this woman giving reports to my mother and of course you can imagine what happened to yours truly afterwards.. This helped to restrain me from too much foolishness because I knew ‘Mummy O’ was always watching.

If you act like no one else can have an input into your children’s upbringing you will live to regret it because people who should have helped to steer them from the path of destruction will just sit by and watch.

If you keep painting picture your children are perfect, no one will tell you when they get up to mischief.

I listened to a conversation about the children of a family who were into all sorts of vices. When I asked why the Parents were not informed, I was told the mother was always quick to create the impression that her children are perfect.

Stop walking around with false airs that you’ve got it all under control. We all need help.

 

LESSON 8.

 

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO MAKE DEMANDS ON HEAVEN.

 

I remember listening to my mother praying for my siblings and I. I would watch her groan and call our names one after the other decreeing into our future. It was so refreshing to know that my mother was always praying for me.

I adopted the same with my children , I set apart a day in the week to fast and pray for them. One day, the Holy Spirit told me to ask my children to pick a day of the week that they would set aside to fast and make demands on heaven. Initially I hesitated because I felt weekly fast would be too much burden on teenagers but then I knew I heard God correctly. I called them and they both agreed to a day of the week that did not clash with the day I stand in the gap for them.

It’s been so refreshing watching them raise prayer points and ask God to give them testimonies before the next day of fast.

Please, fasting won’t kill your children, rather, it will teach them to subdue the flesh, it will also teach them to appreciate what families who do not have the privilege of three meals daily go through.

We must train our children to war spiritually; we must train them to learn to take challenges in their lives to God.

We must understand that God owns them- the Bible calls them God’s heritage. They are God’s property.

Beyond being academically excellent, let them learn spiritual excellence/expertise because we are all first spirit beings. Let us teach them to depend more on God and less on man.

When they come to you with issues bothering them, please advice them to pray about it. Do not allow them to go through life believing you are ‘god’. Point them to God.

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LESSON 9

CHILDREN WHO ARE WAYWARD DO NOT NECESSARILY HAVE CARELESS PARENTS.

A lot of times, I’ve heard people blame children’s behaviour totally on the parents.

Please do not get me wrong, I know stories in the scriptures of the prophet Eli of the Bible, the over indulgent parents of Samson and many more.

But, I also know of strong Christian families whose children went off track not necessarily because the Parents were careless. We must realise that our chief adversary, the Devil, will do everything to mar a good testimony.

We must as Christian women, stop wearing the ‘my children are great because I am a perfect mother’  look. This is one of the reasons some people close up and do not share the challenges they are facing as parents. I hear a lot of “Bisi, I can’t talk so I’m not seen as a failed parent.”

I’m not advocating that we should shirk our duties/responsibilities as parents, all I am saying is that the Devil will make attempts to destroy good things.

I remember when my daughter was having challenges with her studies especially in Mathematics. It was so bad that one of the home lesson teachers I got for my her, saw her case as hopeless and he just stopped coming to the house. I’d spoken to a couple of friends some of whom kept telling me my daughter was just being lazy which made me feel like I’d failed. And then I spoke to this amazing woman who told me about her son’s challenges and how his challenge was in almost all subjects. She counselled me on getting good home lesson teachers, encouraging my daughter, staying up with her to read and praying for and with her. That was music to my ears.

Today, my daughter has passed excellently through that phase just because someone shared her experience with me and didn’t see me as a failed mother.

LESSON 10

YOU MUST HAVE FAMILY VALUES

My daughter was sharing a story of a school mate who did something that got her expelled from school. Quite puzzled I asked why the girl behaved that way, my daughter responded that it had to do with family values or lack of it.

What are your family values?

Growing up in my part of the world, I would hear statements like “we do not do such and such in our family”. These have been passed down from generations.

I’m shocked to see so many children when asked what their family values are being unable to answer. Your family values will help define your children’s reaction and behaviour when confronted with issues in life. It will guide them to make good choices in life.

Our children must know about Relational values: being considerate, compassionate, generous; Character values: honesty, trustworthiness, obedience. The list is endless.

I must say that since each family is unique,  you must work yours out.

 

 

PLUS ONE LESSON

I decided to put this at the very last not because it is the least important but because I am saddened by the fact that we are shirking the place of ‘Individual Responsibility’ and all we tend to do is pray. I believe in the place of “having done all..” which is why the other lessons were written first.

GRACE OF GOD

I have learnt that it is only God that can make me succeed as a mother. I believe that having done all, it is only Him that can put the seal of perfection on all my efforts. I know I will only do well at this job through Christ who gives me strength. I trust God wholly and believe Him that me and the children He has given to me, will ultimately be for signs and good wonders. Since He gave me these children, He will help to bring them up. Success in parenting needs Divine assistance. Let us trust the Great Teacher. Shalom!!

 

Do you identify with these lessons? Please share your experiences?

Bisi Ibitayo